Recently, a dear friend of mine inspired me to think about how I’ve been carrying on this year. My immediate response was to share lists of books, podcasts, and uplifting IG accounts. After a bit more thinking, though, I realize that aside from consuming encouraging content, I also move forward thanks to a set of ten fundamental actions.
Occasionally, I still have a burst-into-tears-and-hope-for-a-better-tomorrow kind of day, but even on those days, if I do at least one of these fundamental actions, I feel a tad bit better.
I hope you find these helpful! If you have different ideas to share or if one of these really resonates with you, feel free to comment at the bottom of this post or send me a DM. I’d love to hear how you’re holding up this year.
Ten Ways to Carry On
Let Light In or Embrace Light Outside - If you’re also spending most of your time indoors, chances are you could use a little more sunlight. Even here, in ever-so-sunny Los Angeles, CA, I need reminders to seek and embrace the sun. Consider opening your windows first thing in the morning. Allow light to gradually fill your indoor space. If you don’t get a lot of natural light, be sure to step outside to get some sunshine and fresh air. Even a short 15 minute walk under the sun can boost your mood.
Stay Hydrated, Nourished, and Well Rested - Water is amazing! I honestly didn’t intentionally drink enough water each day until a couple of years ago. Now, I fill up a big 32oz mason jar first thing in the morning and try to refill it at least four times a day. I also like to keep a water bottle on my night stand. If you’re reading this and haven’t had water in a while, this is your friendly reminder: drink water! :) Good food and plenty of rest are also crucial to our wellbeing. Drinking enough water, eating food that is good for you, and getting enough rest are the building blocks to carry on in the best way possible. Don’t neglect the basics.
Practice Daily Gratitude - If you know me or follow my posts, you should already know that gratitude is key! Practicing gratitude is a wonderful way to remind ourselves of all of the good that surrounds us and/or lies within us. Focus on the good and you will see more good. Tailor this practice so that you can do it daily - consider keeping a journal, like me, where you write down at least 10 reasons you feel thankful each day. You can also write a note to yourself on your phone. Perhaps, you can use gratitude as a way to connect with someone. Find a gratitude accountability buddy and text or tell each other your gratitude lists. Or, keep it super simple: set aside a few moments each day to think about what makes you feel grateful.
Embody the Ideal - Sometimes, we can’t bring ourselves to make the choices that we know will help us feel better. For example, if I’m feeling exhausted, the last thing I want to do is a 20 minute workout. If I’m feeling sad, the last thing I want to do is think of ten things that I know make me feel grateful or happy. I’d rather reach for a bag of Hot Cheetos than that sliced cucumber I said would be a yummy, healthier snack. But, sometimes, we have to do the opposite of what we feel like doing, we have to embrace the identity or the lifestyle of who we want to be. I say I want to make healthier eating choices so I ask myself, what would a really healthy person snack on right now? I say I want to make progress on my dissertation so I ask myself, what would a really good PhD student do with this block of time? It is a big deal to embody the ideal #poetry
Move Your Body - This one might be the toughest on this list (at least for me)! Part of caring for our whole self is to pay attention to our body and give it the movement it needs to feel connected and strong. Stretching and exercising are great! One free online resource that I turn to for a good workout is Orangethory At Home. Check out their YouTube channel and remember to begin with whatever feels manageable—workouts can be adapted to your needs. If a guided exercise feels overwhelming, find something that feels manageable. The key is to do what you can to move your body every single day.
Curate your Consumption - Books, shows, movies, podcasts, social media, etc. With endless information readily available to us, it’s easy to find ourselves feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. Everything going on all around the world is too much for any one person to process. And it seems like this year, there’s little time to process one thing before another, bigger and more concerning thing comes along, and so on and so on. This is all valid and important. I am all for being informed and aware of current events. However, if you find yourself on edge or upset from constant bad news and social media posts, remember that you do have some control over what you consume, and when. It is perfectly okay to take breaks. You can mute or unfollow accounts, unsubscribe from emails, restrict notifications, etc. You can set your phone on Do Not Disturb or even (gasp) turn it off. Choose the extent of your engagement. Curate your feed. Decide what content to consume. Be intentional about what issues to prioritize and how to act on those issues in a way that is feasible for you at this moment in time.
Set and Honor Boundaries - Work towards understanding what is within your capacity. Once you do, communicate whatever you feel comfortable with as kindly as possible. I didn’t always prioritize setting boundaries, especially with people I love. But, over time, I’ve realized that boundaries are an extension of the love I have for myself. I recently read a beautiful quote: “Boundaries are how I can love you and myself at the same time.” While trying to find the original source of that quote, I found a good blog post: Boundaries How I can Love You & Me at the Same Time
Boundaries help us be our best selves to ourselves and others. If we don’t set boundaries, it’s possible to get stuck in a cycle that leaves you feeling resentful, burned out, or disappointed. Saying yes to everything and everyone is impossible to do without giving up the self-love and self-respect that we all need and deserve. If you’re considering setting boundaries, start by asking yourself: can I show up for this person right now AND show up for myself too? Will engaging with this person in the way they’ve asked (or in alignment with patterns they’ve repeated) make me feel better than if I didn’t engage? If the answer is no, then you have the right to establish boundaries with this person. If possible, communicate this. Ideally, even if they’re disappointed, they will understand. Sometimes, however, it may feel incredibly tough or unsafe to explicitly share our boundaries with others. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set the boundaries—it might actually be a good reminder for why you need boundaries in the first place.
As you establish boundaries, keep in mind that boundaries can shift or be removed as we build trust with ourselves and others. This all takes plenty of time and a lot of compassion. Honor where you are at this moment in time. And of course, respect and honor other people’s boundaries. Everyone has the right to establish boundaries. If someone has distanced themselves from you or if someone is vulnerable enough to share their boundaries with you, you may not fully understand (and you may feel hurt or confused). Nonetheless, you should do your best to offer them compassion and honor their boundaries. I like to remind myself: if genuine care is there, understanding is there too.Get Organized - If you haven’t already read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondō or watched her show on Netflix, that might be a good start! The main lesson I learned is that our surroundings, our possessions, our environment both reflect and affect us. Your physical and digital spaces matter. If you’re interested in seeing how organization can help you lead a happier life, Gretchen Rubin’s book Outer Order, Inner Calm is also a good resource. By going through her own experience of developing outer order to attain inner calm, Rubin encourages readers to do the same and offers helpful tools. You’re better able to move forward and carry on without the burden of a disorganized space (at home or online). Organization is a form of self-care. It’s not the most glamorous form of self-care but it makes a worthwhile difference.
Communicate Your Needs- This year, each and every one of us is coping with major life changes. Communicating how we feel and what we need from our support system can make this difficult time a little bit easier. For instance: do you need weekly or monthly phone calls (FaceTime sessions, texts, emails, etc.) to check-in with a loved one? Or, would you rather connect way less because you need time to recharge or turn your energy towards creativity/learning/or a new job? Can you pick up groceries for someone especially vulnerable to the virus? Or, is that not feasible for you right now? Maybe you are the one who needs someone to help you run errands. What do you need? Communicating our needs can also help us determine or recognize who can be part of our support system. If we communicate a need and someone ignores it, ridicules it, or simply can’t meet the need in the way we hoped—that’s important information that can help us find the best way forward.
Keep in mind, though, that when communicating our needs, it is wise to extend a lot of grace. Since this year has been full of especially trying experiences, it’s possible that we can no longer lean on someone we’re used to counting on to fulfill our need for encouragement. This may be because they are coping in a way that involves their own set of boundaries. Perhaps they’re attending to something or someone that demands most of their time and energy. When communicating our needs, we must always keep in mind that others also have needs. And, sometimes, their needs won’t align with or complement ours. Keep an open heart. Consider someone you haven’t heard from in a while; maybe they haven’t reached out because they’re mourning losing a loved one to COVID-19, maybe they haven’t reached out because they’re overwhelmed by anxiety or battling a bout of depression. Or, maybe, their life just looks different now and closely connecting with you like before is no longer a priority. In any case, you can always choose to check-in with a kind message or simply feel grateful for the times shared and memories made when you connected. I really like this video by motivational speaker and author Mel Robbins: Feeling Disconnected from your Friends Right Now? . In this video, she wisely describes how changes in our life patterns affect our connection to others.
If connecting with others feels tougher than usual, I also highly encourage connecting and communicating with a therapist. Sometimes, connecting with someone outside of our immediate circle of loved ones to listen and offer strategies is a great step in moving forward.Start Small - In a recent video, success coach Amy Landino shared “The Best Advice I’ve Ever Heard (That Everyone Ignores) and that is: to start small. This goes for any of the things on this list or with whatever it is you want to accomplish. Taking small and consistent steps will be worthwhile. I’m currently trying to get back on my daily exercise routine and instead of jumping into a full Orangetheory workout, I’m starting with 15 minutes of stretching or walking with my fiancé every morning. I will, slowly, build from that until I feel more confident and able to do a full workout.
These ten elements have helped me carry in 2020. I trust they will continue to do so. I share them with love and kindness as I know we are all doing what we can to make the most of this tough season.
Stay safe, kind, and hopeful.
Con cariño,
Jenesis